For so many of us, our efforts at developing ourselves as whole leaders are in reality partial or fragmented efforts rather than whole. Solutions to our deepest leader development needs that deal with a small portion of our reality will always leave us wanting more, because dealing with the parts in isolation doesn’t really address the complex set of variables at play in the reality of our lives. These solutions may address symptoms or pieces of our puzzle that help us in the short term, but are missing a lot when it comes to longer term and more sustainable futures. Understanding my strengths, personality, or networks outside of the larger context of my life and work and the interdependencies between the parts is like putting a bucket of water under a leaky faucet without addressing the aging pipes in a 100 years old house – you may not have water on the floor today, but a flood is coming within weeks. Whole leader development is not only about addressing the relationships between the interdependent variables of our lives, but also addressing the seemingly paradoxical realities that are so common to leading. Finances and health, work and life, business and the heart – this is just a beginning at scratching the surface of the tensions that hit us quickly when we become leaders.

One of the most profound paradoxes that leaders face daily, but others get to ignore before they are responsible for others, is the paradox of you and them – self and other. As a leader, you no longer have the privilege of life in a vacuum. You are not only responsible for your values, direction, resourcing and convictions – you are now responsible for yours, and for theirs. In our research on high pressure situations with hundreds of leaders over the years there has always been a common and repeating narrative for each person. How do I maintain a sense of what is most important to me and the direction I think we should go, while maintaining just as clear a connection to what is important to others – especially when the pressure is on. Remaining composed under pressure as a leader, and a whole perspective on what that means, requires us to remain clear and convicted while maintaining a sincere and meaningful connection to others. And, if there is one thing that is clear to most of us attempting to lead well when it matters most, maintaining both ourselves and our connections to others is easier said than done. If my experience working with leaders over the years has shown me anything, it is that any leader who is doing both well is working hard. And, to the contrary, any leader who says leading well when it matters most is easy, probably isn’t working at it at all. Show me a leader who says staying connected and convicted is easy, and I’ll show you a team of their followers who will disagree.

If investing in our development as whole leaders is about putting together the interdependent pieces of our human puzzle, and facing the inherent paradoxes in those relationships – key to which is our attention to both ourselves and to others – then what are we to do? The first step is to acknowledge the complex interdependencies. The second step is to understand your own tendency to either focus more on yourself or on the needs of others, and the third step is to understand the context within which all that is occurring. Fundamentally, leading well is always going to lead back to a complex tension between you and them, and the multiple other variables that include your personality, business context and stage, support networks, clarity of purpose, and the deeply seated security you may or may not be feeling right now. Moving toward a more whole and less fragmented approach to our life and work starts there.